One week to go. Seven more days of empty statements, uncosted commitments and repeating the first name of random members of the electorate whilst swapping out answers to their questions with empty manifesto straplines. One week to go to the election. Two weeks until the formation of the next minority government. Three months from the next general election. A short number of days before we’re greeted with the sight of Nicola Sturgeon riding Ed Miliband outside the front of 10 Downing Street like a hen night that's two hours beyond nightclubs closing, tears, smeared eyeliner and a fight outside Boots over Kevin.
Is election fever spreading? A short perusal of news websites suggest perhaps not. Your humble correspondent has been tracking the “most read” stories across a range of UK websites this week to get a different viewpoint. At the beginning of the week the election was barely registering but with the hype over the leaders appearing on Question Time (albeit a relatively anemic version in which they appeared individually) got the election trending at least.
Marketing, promotion; these are integral to getting your product out there before the masses. This week Cameron v Miliband has struggled for publicity in comparison to Mayweather v Pacquiao. Maybe this presents the answer. Let’s scrap Thursday’s election and just have Ed and David in a ring at Trafalgar Square. Two go in - one comes out. It’ll be as close to the democratic process as when the parties are playing top trumps with manifesto commitments in back offices over the next weekend.
So what else has been catching our collective eye:
Commuters stuck on trains for hours or in Daily Mail terms “The journey from hell”
-or in summary, yes, commuting still not fun
The price that Ed Miliband is prepared to pay to win the Muslim vote
-and other scare stories the right wing press will issue to pursue their own interests
Negative interest rates put world on course for biggest mass default in history
-sadly financial news, whilst all encompassing in its impact is also really dull so let’s move on
Capital crime: there are as many as 4,300 deaths a year from air pollution in London alone
-somehow, switching taxis from diesel might not be the sole answer
Apple Watch does not like tattoos
-conform iSheep, conform
Brazilian 'unaware' until execution
-foreign country executes someone from another foreign country with mental capacity issues. To be filed in the news agenda somewhere behind global warming
Royal baby: When to induce?
-when it clashes with Britain’s Got Talent?
And all this in the same week of the untimely demise of Orville the Duck.
The Institute for Fiscal Studies says none of the three main parties at Westminster has come "anywhere close" to making it clear where spending cuts would be made. When one political party spots something they can capitalize on it stays in the news agenda for days. In the last week we’ve had the Liberals accusing the Conservatives over child benefits and the Conservatives accusing Labour over SNP deals. The IFS statement was met by near silence by the political parties, an unwelcome jolt of reality amid their stage managed bland statements of empowerment. The story slipped away to be replaced no doubt by something on the impact of food banks on house prices.
...but now the players must resume to their spots on the stage and the pantomime must start again. Cue Pierrot, cue hard working families, cue being scared of change, foreigners and the implications of the status quo. Cue Columbine, cue misrepresentation, disguise and false hope. The performance is about to start again. Return to your seats. Please be quiet.
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